Proverbs 31

Just for fun (haha) I felt led to read Proverbs 31 today. Not to beat myself up, but more to be reminded of what I am striving toward. I really want to be "worth more than rubies (or diamonds)" to my husband and son. And for an even more sobering effect, I am reading in The Message translation.

Well, I could take away that I need to pick up sewing and knitting but I don't think that's really the main point, even though it is mentioned in various ways throughout this passage. What I do see thought, is that this woman has a great talent in knitting and sewing and is very resourceful with this talent while maintaining the rest of her household. My talent is not necessarily sewing my own clothes, but I do like fitness and Zumba. I also care about the emotional healing of people. I can use those talents resourcefully to contribute to the world and the betterment of my home.

She wakes before dawn! Enough said! I sometimes (especially feeling the holiday hangover) don't want to wake before noon! So noon's a stretch but still, morning is a time that I long to savor but instead I struggle to get up to enjoy it. I have experienced what it is like to wake up and help Brett get going and then set myself up for success by organizing my day. But for some reason, when I'm still half asleep, I find it so hard to reason with myself that it's far better to get going than to get an extra hour or two of sleep.

And it's not just about "maintainance" in her home. She takes that extra special time to put her touch of love into the home by seeking "exotic surprises." Her husband trusts her to take care of things, as a husband should be able to do.

I could be overwhelmed with this praise of the wonderful wife that I should be, but I am not going to let that happen. I think instead I'm going to start by "facing the day with a smile." This is big for me. Lately I've been more easily toppled over by the events of the day. I've been super sensative to those around me that aren't as loving as I think people should be. I have hope. I have peace. I just need to remember where that true hope and peace come from and smile...no matter what!

ACCIDENT

How many times a day do I have an "accident"? Was it really an accident or was it suppose to happen for a purpose greater than we initially realize? As of 3am this morning, I had a non-accident car accident. But this one was different from any other I've had. I've never felt this way after an accident. (Yes, I realize it is pathetic that I have a "norm" response to vehicular accidents because I've been in so many.)

For starters, when I have an accident it's usually big with a pretty steep consequence. Either a totalled car, a fine for speeding, an injured pedestrian (that one really wasn't my fault), or an at least, an increase in insurance premiums. Whether the "accidents" have been my fault or not, I've usually had to stop or at least SLOW DOWN not just while driving, but in life, to figure out what did I do wrong or what is it that God is calling attention to in my life. And sometimes, I've had to assess how God is attempting to use me in this situation. Even with the pedestrian in Morgantown, who ran out from behind an oncoming Mac truck and in front of my car, I had to realize that God wanted me to slow down in life in general. He wanted me to put away the diet pills that I overused in attempt to "do it all", honestly look at my heart, and eliminate anything else that was displeasing to him.

Last night I was leaving from a fun night with my girlfriends, Jenny and Allison, which is a rarity these days. I had laughed a lot and got to see some long lost friends like Jenni and Courtney. It was a great time, catching up with them, and it was wonderful to just be with them. Brett was o.k. with it and had a night in with Trent. It seemed as though all was well. After several hours of hanging out it was time to call it a night. I got a text from my cousin, met up with him before leaving Shepherdstown just to say hi. I was exhausted and still had an hour drive home to Winchester. As I walked to the truck, it began raining ice. But it was light so I thought as soon as it hit the road it would melt and typically I don't scare easy when attempting to drive in inclement weather. I got a coffee at Sheetz to help me stay alert and warm, set the radio to my favorite country station and headed home.

I made it to 81S all the way from Martinsburg to the first Winchester exit to 37W. I was on 37 for a couple of miles and as I headed over the 522 overpass my wheels hit ice. The very light, back end of the truck swerved to the right sending me into the left guard rail. I slid across the fast lane into the guard rail where my front left bumper hit and then the rest of the bumper hit. This propelled the truck into a 180 as I continued to slide facing against the traffic. I then slid backwards back across the slow lane and into the ditch where I slid for another 20 feet until I was smacked up against the tree line. I was leaning against the trees on the downhill slope afraid to move.

I didn't scream, I didn't cry, I just was a little shaken. Where did this peace come from? I was certain by the sound of the guardrail hitting the front of the truck and the trees slamming into my side that the truck was totalled. I called 911 and they sent a Virginia state trooper. I called Brett and he stayed put with Trent who was sleeping. If the cop couldn't bring me home then I'd have to call my Mom or Dad. I didn't want Trent out on the roads. 20 minutes later the trooper arrived and assisted me out of the truck. I sat with him for an hour in his car waiting for the tow company. I learned he went to Jefferson High School, like me, and had been a cop for 22 years. He's expecting a grandson any day and didn't like working in D.C.. He worked near the monuments and museums and felt like he was more of a tour guide than anything else. I learned it's hard to keep up with current legislation to know what law it is your suppose to uphold, you just have to use discernment to detect if something is not right and then look it up. And I learned that sometimes, being a cop is rewarding. I also found out his nephew went to my Mom's last elementary school and so did his daughter. Honestly, he wasn't a talker, I just think he was obliging my questions so I wouldn't worry so much about the damage that was done to the car or what could have happened to me.

The tow truck arrived. They pulled the truck out from the back, removed a couple branches, turned it around for me and I drove home. No totalled frame, no axles broken, no busted wheels, not a window broken or a light busted. Just some scratches to the paint and a bent bumper in the front. I drove away from that accident without a broken bone, scratch or bruise. Why?

Was it an accident? I don't think so. Sure I didn't mean or plan to slide across an icy bridge but I know there was a purpose. And until I type it out, I won't be able to sleep.

I have been wasteful with my time, and playing my Christian life like it's a game. I sin a little, I repent, I sin some more, I repent again. I think about a bigger purpose and the plan God may have for my life and NEVER believe that God can achieve it through me. I sit on my calling avoiding the disappointment that comes from not meeting the expectations I have of myself. I make excuse after excuse, paralyzed between unreasonably thinking I have to and can do it on my own, and thinking that no good can come from my attempts. And what do I get, nothing.

My side of the car was slammed up against trees and I walked away with NOT ONE INJURY. I drove the car away as if it had never happened (very slowly it took me another hour to get home when usually it takes 20 minutes from there). If don't start living like my minutes here on earth matter for someone other than me, then I realize how quickly God can call it a day.

Why would I want to pass down a legacy to Trent of a lukewarm faith. I say lukewarm because I know the things I ought to do and don't do them far too often. Don't I want him to be able to realize all that God desires for him? Don't I want to share the TRUE JOY that God desires for Brett and I to share? Then it's time I stop playing at the game of Christianity and start living Christ.

My laziness, my disrespectful attitude toward authority, my poor self-image...it's all yesterday. And as I find myself ending almost every post, thank God for today. Thank God for his grace. Thank God for saving my life so that I can attempt to glorify him. I pray for anyone who reads this that you would have an experience, not this scary, even if it's through me, that humbles you to a place where you realize WHO it is you're living for and in Him, find joy, purpose, and peace.

And just so I'll always have a reminder, I took pictures of the truck so that I can see exactly how saved I was and how saved I am. Truly amazing.

Trust and Love

FINALLY! I've had some trouble being able to put text to my blogs. I could type a title, add labels but write nothing!

Things around here have been going well. We had our tacky sweater party, thanks to Ash's brilliant idea! It was so much fun. I only wish I'd taken more pics of everyone there! We are really enjoying our new friends and neighbors here in Winchester and of course loving that Ash and Luke are here with us.

I've recently started teaching Zumba again and am LOVING it! The classes have been wonderful with great participants. Their attititudes are amazing and I look forward to every time I'm with them. I'm also personal training at Valley Health and Wellness. I love it but I'm seeing that God is really using this job, as he has others in the past, to refine my appreciation and respect for authority.

Sometimes, I really struggle with authority. Even if my words and actions are with the intent of respect, my heart is not in the right place. I question the leaders God places in my life far too often and get anxious thinking about what things would be like if I had my way. I've seen what happens when I get my way and you'd think that would be enough to teach me patience and trust in God's plan. The results are always much better according to God's timing. There's so much the Holy Spirit is trying to grow me in but as long as I keep searching for another way, I'm going to miss it.

So the Good News is that today is new. Today I'm new in Christ. That's the Good News, that he died for my sins and he is the ultimate authority and I need to learn to come up under his authority so that everything else in my life will fall into its respective place. Then I'll be in a place of trust and overall, love. I feel better already. Trusting Jesus really does provide a peace that passes all understanding.