Today at about 3p Trent went down for his nap and to be honest, I should have too. I was exhausted but felt the pressure to work on my paper for school. So instead of grabbing a glass of water, lying down for a nap, and resting I grabbed the last small piece of homemade apple pie and plopped on the comfy couch for some good Real Housewives action. Why not feed my soul the same garbage I'm feeding my body, ay? Living at Mom and Dad's house is going to be VERY helpful and VERY convenient in many ways, but eliminating some of the bad food in the house will really help me stay focused. I'm going to have to gently reform my families LIFELONG eating habits. I hope I don't get us kicked out before we have a new home!
While that was today's fail, today's win was a note from Nancy that reminded me that mile caloric intake goal is set waaaaaaay too low. This was very helpful to learn b/c shooting for 1200 calories on a day when I am not doing any activity to expend energy is difficult! She also reminded me to have my meals ready for between workouts and classes I'm teaching and for on my way home. This should help me avoid the triple pounders (honestly it didn't even taste that good when I was eating it, I would have rather had a burger I made myself)!
I'm looking forward to starting tomorrow off at the gym with the family. Brettly is getting a membership to Gold's so he can workout early in the morning and we can workout together! I am really looking forward to our workouts together. I also am going to drink a lot more water tomorrow.
There was a big temptation not to be honest with myself about what I ate today on myfitnesspal.com. But I am really glad I was honest so that tomorrow I can start fresh and new with my ultimate goal of living a thoroughly healthy life in place.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
2.24.11
So far today has gone well. I woke up and ate a great breakfast and have eaten "clean" all day up to now. I also set a goal to have both of my discussion board posts done by noon and did it! We are reading in James chapter 2 in small group and I see how all of this is tying together. James, the brother of Jesus warns us against having faith without works and that it is impossible for either to survive independently. This reflects the physical concepts of eating well and staying active. One with out the other is not wellness. And for me to be liberated to serve God, I have to keep faith that God will complete the work he started in me whiiiiiile I work on getting healthier. I am seeing that at this stage, this effort requires constant prayer and keeping God's word IN MY HEART (in case my Bible is not close by) so that I can call on the wisdom of God to get through the cravings and addictions.
Tonight Zumba class was so much fun. But on my way I realized that while Zumba is an excellent physical release, I've also been relying on it to be my mental/emotional/spiritual release. On my way to class I was thinking about yesterday, my third pounder, and why I chose the temptation over wellness. It was then that I remembered that JUST before I started the first bootcamp I got some bad news from the hubs. This was a marital stressor kind of conversation. I didn't pray about it before going off to teach and did not take my hurt, frustrations, and anxiety to God before going on with my job. This loneliness that stewed in my heart for three hours, I believe, is a big part of the reason I was so vulnerable to the tempting comfort of food. It also made me aware that I really must pray to God minute by minute, being 100% genuine with what's on my heart so he can fight for me and I can find my security in him, not being wavered by circumstance.
Tonight after class was much better and my stats for the day are MUCH better! Myfitnesspal.com has been a huge help in keeping me on task with not overeating and seeing what is and is not most effective in my quest. And now, I am with clean conscience going to go have some spinach, hummus and taboule (my favorites)!
Tonight Zumba class was so much fun. But on my way I realized that while Zumba is an excellent physical release, I've also been relying on it to be my mental/emotional/spiritual release. On my way to class I was thinking about yesterday, my third pounder, and why I chose the temptation over wellness. It was then that I remembered that JUST before I started the first bootcamp I got some bad news from the hubs. This was a marital stressor kind of conversation. I didn't pray about it before going off to teach and did not take my hurt, frustrations, and anxiety to God before going on with my job. This loneliness that stewed in my heart for three hours, I believe, is a big part of the reason I was so vulnerable to the tempting comfort of food. It also made me aware that I really must pray to God minute by minute, being 100% genuine with what's on my heart so he can fight for me and I can find my security in him, not being wavered by circumstance.
Tonight after class was much better and my stats for the day are MUCH better! Myfitnesspal.com has been a huge help in keeping me on task with not overeating and seeing what is and is not most effective in my quest. And now, I am with clean conscience going to go have some spinach, hummus and taboule (my favorites)!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
2.23.11
It started at 6a when I silenced my iPod alarm that was set to “Savior Please”. Nice, right? So I didn’t get up and go work out early this morning like I had decided to at midnight the night before. Usually at midnight is when all of my great plans for the next day unfold. And 6a is usually when the foundation of those plans crumbles. Even though I didn’t meet my first goal, I had a Mom’s get together that I was looking forward to so my spirit could not be that easily stifled this morning. I ate a great breakfast [spinach frittata, with bits of turkey bacon and 2 tbsp of taboule]. I packed a great snack and was on my way to a healthy day. I did well all the way up to baking cookies for a bake sale and then had two cookies. And then the worst was after I taught two boot camps that I partially participated in I got the craving. It started and pressed in until I caved. I ended up getting a third-pounder at McDonald’s AS A MEAL. I ate it quickly, felt sick, nibbled on some fries and sipped a little diet coke. Eating the burger quieted the raging beast of an addiction within me. But then, the beast’s sidekicks of guilt and shame joined me on my ride home as I thought about how many calories void of nutritious value I had just consumed. They eagerly reminded me of the workout I would not be doing when I got home, how bad I would feel when I saw my husband, and that I could cover it all up by eating whatever had been prepared for dinner that night at home. I am not kidding or exaggerating at all., these are the thoughts that have gone through my mind since 7:30p.
Now is the critical moment. Will I chose to talk to God about it and get real with myself and my husband about my addiction? Or, do it all over again tomorrow? I think I will enter my food for the day in myfitnesspal.com, get on my knees and thank God for his forgiveness, ask God to renew my faith in him and to help me rest my hope not in my own will-power, but in him. It’s interesting that we read James 1 last week for small group and myself in James reference to the person who sees their own reflection and does nothing about the problems that need to be fixed. I desire to seek God with my whole heart and allow him to show me what I need to do to fix this addiction, I do not want to live in denial any longer.
10 minutes later:
Goal Caloric Intake: 1200 calories
Actual Caloric Intake: 2119 calories
Exercise: 400 calories expended
As you can see I am 500 calories over for my goal today. Is it the end of the world? No. Do I need to be more focused? Yes.
I am equipped with my EAT-CLEAN DIET Recharged by Tosca Reno, my Polar Heart Rate Monitor Watch (Brand New), and myfitnesspal.com. It is time, my friends. It is time.
Now is the critical moment. Will I chose to talk to God about it and get real with myself and my husband about my addiction? Or, do it all over again tomorrow? I think I will enter my food for the day in myfitnesspal.com, get on my knees and thank God for his forgiveness, ask God to renew my faith in him and to help me rest my hope not in my own will-power, but in him. It’s interesting that we read James 1 last week for small group and myself in James reference to the person who sees their own reflection and does nothing about the problems that need to be fixed. I desire to seek God with my whole heart and allow him to show me what I need to do to fix this addiction, I do not want to live in denial any longer.
10 minutes later:
Goal Caloric Intake: 1200 calories
Actual Caloric Intake: 2119 calories
Exercise: 400 calories expended
As you can see I am 500 calories over for my goal today. Is it the end of the world? No. Do I need to be more focused? Yes.
I am equipped with my EAT-CLEAN DIET Recharged by Tosca Reno, my Polar Heart Rate Monitor Watch (Brand New), and myfitnesspal.com. It is time, my friends. It is time.
Being More Transparent
A long time ago I was called with affection, “Thunder Thighs”. I was two years old, so I am sure that it was done with no ill intentions. Who would have thought it was a prophetic name? Today, at thirty, that nickname couldn’t seem more appropriate.
My addiction to food, really bad-for-you food, has brought me to a place of awe and frustration. I am in awe of my inability to resist the call of a fast-food burger and completely frustrated with the oxy-moron that is my life. I am a fitness professional that loves awful food. I do not practice consistently what I preach and the proof is in the pudding (and the pudding is in my thighs)!
I don’t have a desire to tell anyone about this; except that I know I need accountability. If I do not have something that I must be accountable to on a consistent basis, I will never be completely real with myself or those I love. This is my attempt at consistent transparency so that I can realize who it is God desires me to be. This addiction to food is what keeps me from serving and loving God, my husband, my son and those God places in my life. I keep trying to force food to meet desires and needs in my live that are Devine. Food is just energy for me to LIVE and I long to appreciate it for what it is.
It is no coincidence that my struggle is with eating and seeing myself as something that was fearfully and wonderfully made. Joining “Thunder Thighs” is “The Fat Cheerleader” or “The Cheerleader with the Fat Thighs Wearing Short-Shorts”. The last two were by the football coach of my Jr. High School (done in front of the ENTIRE team) and my Vice PrinciPAL at High School. She wasn’t reprimanding me, she said she was just making a joke and that I didn’t really need to change. My principal told me everyone gets picked on, “They use to pick on my ears,” he said.
My husband and I have vices that play off of one another and if we aren’t intentional, they will leave us feeling lonely, pursuing isolation, and lead us toward tendencies of depression. I know we aren’t the only ones. I know I am not alone. And if I said I was posting this so that others would grow that would be a lie. I am posting this so that I may grow through this and come out on the other side in VICTORY able and equipped to better love and serve God.
If you ARE reading this, and this does speak to your heart, feel free to reach out to me and grow with me. I praise my Creator, God, who loves me just as I am and loves you, too. And I know that my ONLY hope is in Him. Without him, I’ll still be running for the Big Macs wondering when it’s ever going to end.
I have taken up enough space in the blogosphere with not a main purpose. My hope is for the following entries to accurately portray my struggle with an addiction to food and the hope that can only be found in God.
My addiction to food, really bad-for-you food, has brought me to a place of awe and frustration. I am in awe of my inability to resist the call of a fast-food burger and completely frustrated with the oxy-moron that is my life. I am a fitness professional that loves awful food. I do not practice consistently what I preach and the proof is in the pudding (and the pudding is in my thighs)!
I don’t have a desire to tell anyone about this; except that I know I need accountability. If I do not have something that I must be accountable to on a consistent basis, I will never be completely real with myself or those I love. This is my attempt at consistent transparency so that I can realize who it is God desires me to be. This addiction to food is what keeps me from serving and loving God, my husband, my son and those God places in my life. I keep trying to force food to meet desires and needs in my live that are Devine. Food is just energy for me to LIVE and I long to appreciate it for what it is.
It is no coincidence that my struggle is with eating and seeing myself as something that was fearfully and wonderfully made. Joining “Thunder Thighs” is “The Fat Cheerleader” or “The Cheerleader with the Fat Thighs Wearing Short-Shorts”. The last two were by the football coach of my Jr. High School (done in front of the ENTIRE team) and my Vice PrinciPAL at High School. She wasn’t reprimanding me, she said she was just making a joke and that I didn’t really need to change. My principal told me everyone gets picked on, “They use to pick on my ears,” he said.
My husband and I have vices that play off of one another and if we aren’t intentional, they will leave us feeling lonely, pursuing isolation, and lead us toward tendencies of depression. I know we aren’t the only ones. I know I am not alone. And if I said I was posting this so that others would grow that would be a lie. I am posting this so that I may grow through this and come out on the other side in VICTORY able and equipped to better love and serve God.
If you ARE reading this, and this does speak to your heart, feel free to reach out to me and grow with me. I praise my Creator, God, who loves me just as I am and loves you, too. And I know that my ONLY hope is in Him. Without him, I’ll still be running for the Big Macs wondering when it’s ever going to end.
I have taken up enough space in the blogosphere with not a main purpose. My hope is for the following entries to accurately portray my struggle with an addiction to food and the hope that can only be found in God.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)