A long time ago I was called with affection, “Thunder Thighs”. I was two years old, so I am sure that it was done with no ill intentions. Who would have thought it was a prophetic name? Today, at thirty, that nickname couldn’t seem more appropriate.
My addiction to food, really bad-for-you food, has brought me to a place of awe and frustration. I am in awe of my inability to resist the call of a fast-food burger and completely frustrated with the oxy-moron that is my life. I am a fitness professional that loves awful food. I do not practice consistently what I preach and the proof is in the pudding (and the pudding is in my thighs)!
I don’t have a desire to tell anyone about this; except that I know I need accountability. If I do not have something that I must be accountable to on a consistent basis, I will never be completely real with myself or those I love. This is my attempt at consistent transparency so that I can realize who it is God desires me to be. This addiction to food is what keeps me from serving and loving God, my husband, my son and those God places in my life. I keep trying to force food to meet desires and needs in my live that are Devine. Food is just energy for me to LIVE and I long to appreciate it for what it is.
It is no coincidence that my struggle is with eating and seeing myself as something that was fearfully and wonderfully made. Joining “Thunder Thighs” is “The Fat Cheerleader” or “The Cheerleader with the Fat Thighs Wearing Short-Shorts”. The last two were by the football coach of my Jr. High School (done in front of the ENTIRE team) and my Vice PrinciPAL at High School. She wasn’t reprimanding me, she said she was just making a joke and that I didn’t really need to change. My principal told me everyone gets picked on, “They use to pick on my ears,” he said.
My husband and I have vices that play off of one another and if we aren’t intentional, they will leave us feeling lonely, pursuing isolation, and lead us toward tendencies of depression. I know we aren’t the only ones. I know I am not alone. And if I said I was posting this so that others would grow that would be a lie. I am posting this so that I may grow through this and come out on the other side in VICTORY able and equipped to better love and serve God.
If you ARE reading this, and this does speak to your heart, feel free to reach out to me and grow with me. I praise my Creator, God, who loves me just as I am and loves you, too. And I know that my ONLY hope is in Him. Without him, I’ll still be running for the Big Macs wondering when it’s ever going to end.
I have taken up enough space in the blogosphere with not a main purpose. My hope is for the following entries to accurately portray my struggle with an addiction to food and the hope that can only be found in God.
1 comment:
First and foremost, I love you. Secondly, I'm glad that you know you are not alone. That's a big step for most people. And the fact that you can talk about it with others is also a huge step, and one in the "right" direction....if we ever really know what the right direction is.
I'm not a good example for advice...I've been trying to lose the last 50 pounds for well over a year now and can get any of it to budge, no matter how healthy I eat or how much I workout.
BUT, I will give you this peice of advice and hope it works: The next time you get a craving for a fast food burger, don't do it. Sounds simple, right? No, seriously - not caving in just that one time will give you power. You'll drive by thinking "I did it!" I know, I know, easier said than done, but you can do it. You are a strong woman. I see it much like I see workouts for myself - if I can just make myself get to the gym, or the park, or wherever, I will workout and enjoy it (for the most part), but getting there is the hardest. For you, driving by the burger joint is the hardest part.
Focus on the moment....focus on driving by right now. Forget about whether you'll ever eat a burger again or if you'll be able to drive by tomorrow. Deal with tomorrow when it gets here.
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