Family

God has so many instructions for me as a wife and mother and the older and more responsive Trent is the more I realize how important it is for me to put God first.

Colossians 3:18 is the FIRST instruction for Christian households and it's for me! "Wives submit to your husbands, as is fitting to the Lord."

I think one of the best things I can do for Trent is love and respect Brett, put Brett first and help create a home of love and unity. I still can't believe how blessed I am to have such a wonderful little family. Five years ago I never thought that this kind of joy would be possible! Lord, help me have a heart of gratitude always, so I won't miss what a blessing Brett and Trent are. Help me focus on submitting to Brett in ways that really do serve him.

So yesterday I learned that listening to Satan, not God, in the small things is like giving Satan a megaphone while he sits on my shoulder. Then when it comes to the big things I've set myself up for failure, depression, anxiety, confusion and chaos! Answers a lot of questions about why I've been feeling the way I have lately about myself and the things I do. Then this leads to the bigger conviction that came from John 8, more specifically from Jesus: Am I a child of the Devil? If it weren't for grace, I'd certainly be on my way to the lake of fire for an eternal vacation. Based on the decisions I have been making in my heart about things, and some of my actions (o.k. a lot) I could be classified as a child of the Devil, working for him and listening to him. But thankfully, because of GRACE from God through Christ ALONE not only am I forgiven for all my sins and hidden in Christ (Colossians 3:3) but I have an eternity in heaven to look forward to! Thank God for that! Because even after that HUGE revelation about who I'm actually following with my heart, I STILL SINNED YESTERDAY!!!! I deliberately did what I knew I SHOULD NOT DO! Thank God, Thank God, Thank God for his grace.

I pray that today I chose to live in the way the Holy Spirit leads me to live and not take that amazing grace for granted. I desire the clarity, peace and love that comes from following Christ.

And what better follow up to Colossians 3:1-4 than Colossians 3:5-17! Seriously, it's an instruction manual on what NOT to do and what to do in my life if I really desire to follow God!

"5Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

So I highlighted the instructions in orange. There are so many specific directions I am given in this passage. "renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator" stands out to me b/c it re-emphasizes that I'm to let go of what makes sense to my sinful nature and allow my new self to embrace who I am in the image of God, not based on the image man desires for itself.

Well, Trently is ready to eat and up from his nap! I'm so grateful for all that I have to chew on today and I PRAY that I will be a better listener to the Holy Spirit and stop grieving it!!!

Colossians 3:1-4 God Above or Lies Below? What's it gonna be?

I almost just posted that watered down journal entry about my days this past week and the week to come. But it hit me, that's not what I feel God has asked me to do with this blog and I'd be listening to Satan if I left that as my only entry today. I'm so glad I decided to post something with substance b/c as I began to write about my reading in Colossians, I was hit with something HUGE. It's one of the biggest revelations God has EVER given me about my life with Him and I want to share it with you.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Colossians 3:1-4

I need to remember that I have been raised with Christ (FACT) and I should set my heart on things above (action). I need to begin believing the facts and following through with my actions. Think about God, godliness, holiness and righteous things. Paul says again to set my mind on things above because he knows that I need to hear it twice. And for further clarification, because I often need a definitive clarification, things above are not synonymous with earthly things. I died through Christ, with Christ and what I use to KNOW to be true are lies and my faith DEPENDS on God dwelling in my heart and mind CONSTANTLY.

This is why it is SOOOOOOO important for me to exchange the minute-by-minute lies Satan wants to throw my way with second-by-second truths God has for me. God is speaking to me all day long. As soon as God speaks Satan gets louder and louder. But this is what Jesus had to say about this in John 8 in the section entitled “Children of the Devil”:

42Jesus said to them, "If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and now am here. I have not come on my own; but he sent me. 43Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. 44You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. 45Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! 46Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don't you believe me? 47He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God."

Ouch. So, that’s it. I have some serious reflecting to do as I think about who I want to listen to and if I’m ready to surrender. If I’m not ready to surrender my heart to God so that he can truly be my father, then I’m never going to hear His voice over Satan’s. I will continue to be plagued with lies not filled with truth. Thank God for his Holy Spirit who hit me with this truth that, had it come from any of my friends or my husband, I would have come out swinging. But I just feel this immense sense of gratitude to God for opening my eyes in his loving way.

What a week!

We've been on the go every day since last Monday. Our slowest day was Friday and even then we went to the doctor and the grocery store! No surprise to me that come Saturday when I had planned to go play Bunko with Ash I was not in a "girls just wanna have fun" frame of mind. In fact, as I was in my closet to pick out clothes I actually just laid down on the floor and crashed for fifteen minutes! I did go and am so glad I did! We had a LOT of fun and I really enjoyed the ladies I met at Grace Community Church. We also went with our new friend Denise, who is due to have her little baby boy on December 30th! It's amazing how many AWESOME young aldults with children or expecting and are new to the area we are meeting! We are very blessed.

This week looks to be just as busy but it is also is going to be a FUN week!

We're reading Colossians 3 and 4 for small group on Thursday that's here at our house and then on Friday we have the company holiday party at Brett's work. His coworkers and especially his boss at PRO Physical Therapy have made us feel so much at home. We got to go to her home yesterday in Stephens City for dinner and it was so nice! We enjoyed our time with them a lot and were grateful to just relax with them. The holiday party should be a blast on Friday. I can't wait.

Then, our very good friends, Jon and Nancy, are coming to stay with us on Saturday! WOOHOO! I've missed Nancy so much since I started working at the gym here in Winchester. It's just not the same without her!!! She became such an important part of my life supporting me through a lot of stuff and I hope I returned the favor!

Then on Saturday night, we're all going to go to Luke and Ash's for our "Friends Thanksgiving" dinner. It's a potluck of sorts with all of our new friends here in the area. That should be wonderful.

Shew! What a week! Better start it off right, in the Word!

YAY for Small Group!

Tonight is small group night at Luke and Ashleys, YAY! So I'm gonna brush up on Colossians 2 so I'm ready to talk (ha as if that would take preparation)!

"2My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, 3in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. "

• Encouraged in heart: when my heart is truly encouraged I'm inspired to aspire to be the BEST I can be for God.
• Have the full riches of complete understanding: when I go on my own understanding I always feel like somethings missing or I'm missing some major point. Being refreshed through God's perspective, which is usually opposite of mine, I feel full, rich, and headed in the right direction.
• Know the mystery of God, namely, Christ: God's ways are a mystery and to understand it we MUST love and know Jesus
• Treasures of wisdom and knowledge: do I really value wisdom and knowledge or do I place more value on the byproducts of the two? Most of the time I strive for the consequences of wisdom and knowledge and miss the ENTIRE POINT of striving to know Christ to gain that wisdom and knowledge.

I think I'm just going to reread the rest! I can't wait to talk through this chapter at small group.

Thank the Lord he made babies of a hardy stock!

I could definitely be in the running for worst Mom ever! Just ask Trent.

As I was giving him a bath yesterday I went to rinse the soap out of his hair. I accidentally poured some over his face and he does what he always tries to do: lap it up with his tounge! Cute, right? Until he choked!!!! It wasn't like the "he's going to work this one out" choking it was the "arms shooting to the side, head bobbing forward, face turning red, mouth open, NOT BREATHING" choking. My heart stopped and then I quickly turned him over and patted him on the back, which against his wet skin felt like a welting smack! He screamed, I cried. I got the towel and just held him until we both calmed down. Shew...glad that's over!

Then as I am attempting to be supermom/wife/worker, I grab a protein bar for dinner and for some reason it's too tough. Oh well, no time, gotta eat. Trent seemed to want his binky so as I chomped down on the bar, I leaned over to put the binky in his mouth. Instead, the bar suddenly broke causing chips of protein and fake chocolate to go into his EYES!!!! AHHHHH! I had to hold him down and pry his little eyes open while he screamed and tried his hardest to keep them shut. I eventually got the protein chips out and thought for sure I had blinded my one and only son. The coast seemed to be clear UNTIL I went to get Trent out of his car seat and take him to his Dad at work and there, in the inside corners of his eyes were CHOCOLATE CRUSTIES!!!! Apparently the eyes do clean themselves out well.

So, again I am humbled by God and am rethinking how often I do too much at once. Now, the consequences of my mad multitasking don't only effect me, they definitely hit Trent. I think it's time to slow down!

Thankfully

I'm learning that a good way to discern if I'm doing what I should is if I can FREELY give thanks to God in any given moment for what it is I'm partaking in, then I'm on track. And hopefully this will remind me when I SHOULD be giving thanks instead of grumbling or whining to God! I find this to be especially helpful when I'm overeating! If I can't give thanks b/c I feel guilty b/c I don't NEED the food I'm eating then there's a good chance I should put down the food and walk away!

Well I have a ton of stuff I have to do so I'm going to go gratefully do it before I have to run to work!

Renewing my Mind

1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
Colossians 3:1-2

Today I'm giving my mind to God to be renewed so that I will BELIEVE that I am empowered to be all God designed me to be and calls me to be. I will NOT to listen to Satan's lies that sound like this:

You're lazy.
You're never gonna be able to be a good wife, mom, daughter, counselor, trainer, friend, etc.
It's too much for you to handle.
You can't handle one kid why are you even thinking of more?!
Who do you think you are?
Did you think you were really going to be able to make a difference?
You look fat.
You'll never wear those jeans again!
And the list goes on and on and on...no matter what I'm doing, Satan's got a lie for me. It is so true that my battle is not of flesh it's SPIRITUAL and it's in my mind. This is why it's so important every day for me to check my mind with God. Stop the lies, stop the madness and press on.

Being empowered THROUGH God I will beat Satan. On my own, I will fail. I have to swallow my pride and admit: Satan is stronger than I am. God is stronger than Satan. By getting over my prideful heart I can accept that I can't beat Satan on my own, and I need God. I need God. I need God! I need God to be free.

12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12

I will be sure to focus on these things and with God's help I will rid myself of sin, sinful thoughts and sinful actions.

I feel so much better to tackle my day as free as possible to be the best I can be.

I know I sound like SNL's Stewart Smalley, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog-gonnit, people like me." Only this isn't cheesy "self-help" this is GOD-help...GOD's WORK!

A New Day

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:7-12

It's almost humorous to me that I warned that my last post was "raw". I still completely edited all of my sinfulness and the complete ugliness of the situation all while thinking I was really exposing myself. It's so hard to be vulnerable when I'm wrong.

As I went to bed last night finally at midnight I really didn't know how long it would take God to work to heal my marriage. The damage that was done by both of us could justify weeks of frustration and discouragement. But I believe God truly worked a miracle. Brett and I have both learned that we have expectations of one another and that we are both keenly aware of our own shortcomings as well as the disappointment we feel when we are let down by unmet expectations. We should know that late night discussions of where we fall short lead to defensive hostility but some lessons we are still learning...again.

It was made very clear to me last night as I read trying to sort it all out that I'm NEVER to react to the judgement of another letting them determine my worth or my faith. I also know in my heart that a circumstance should not determine my joy or hope. Romans 5:3-5 makes that clear.

This morning we were still angry. But before the sun came up we talked. It wasn't pretty and we each had to digest our own servings of humble pie for breakfast. But love prevailed. God prevailed. God healed. When we put God first, we put each other first and we are heard. And to be honest, we find that when we put each other first we want the same things: bills paid on time, a comfortable home that's a soft place to land, our baby boy taken care of, our health on track. We found we really aren't that different after all. It's amazing how quickly we become agents working against each other instead of being on the same team.

Praise God COMPLETELY for getting me out of my pit of self-pity and dispair and for starting the new day with HIS LOVE on the tip of my heart.

May God continue to make himself known to me and my family and to you and yours.

warning: very raw post

i should have known that as soon as i attempt to realign my heart with God that satan would throw me a major curve ball. i responded in the most childish of ways and am so disappointed in myself and still angry about everything that happened. i'm sick of being stuck and i'm no longer feeling sorry for myself. i'm just going to remember this night, this feeling and know that God is bigger and he can heal my heart so that i never have to act that way again. i never want to throw a glass to make a point no matter what is being said or how i'm being attacked. i never want to disrespect God and myself by raising my voice and cursing. i don't want trent to grow up with an unhinged mother who loves the Lord, as long as it's easy. honestly, it's going to take the healing power of God to undo what's been done in my home and i pray that he will.

i remember being so excited about our fresh start, our new home, our new son and all the responsibilities that go along with it. it kills me to know that i'm already tainting it with my stuff, my baggage that i thought i left in morgantown. i thought i had gotten rid of those sinful desires but they are still here in my heart. i guess i have a lot of work to do and i was kidding myself if i thought the sins that i neglected to work on didn't move with me here to winchester.

Today, I'm mostly desiring to get some order to our home and work on making this place our soft place to land! Before I tackle this I have learned it's way more beneficial for me to put some order in my life by gettin' in the Word so Colossians here I come!

Immediately Col. 2: 8 [ See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. ] makes me think of our current political climate! And I think as Christians we need to get to work! While I overall am initially saddened that our government now negates moral and biblical responsibility for a false sense of peace I am encouraged that the harvest is plenty. I mean, those who usually can be the most difficult to reach, might be riding on the fleeting wave of HOPE provided by a Presidential election and a little more willing to embrace something more eternal if presented to them. And even if they aren't, I see the STRONG call for me to be a calming light to the world. Never in my life, more than right now, do I need to get my heart right with God so that I can do HIS WORK! MC HAMMER SAID IT BEST: WE GOT TO PRAY JUST TO MAKE IT TODAY! I need to stay in a mode of prayer for our world, our President, my family, my heart! And I have to start now. And all that in just one verse!

Vs. 9 & 10 remind me who is boss of all bosses in the world. In order to be "orderly" like Paul talks about in vs. 5. we have to have the chain of command correct in our HEARTS. God was made tangible to us through Christ. Christ what made King of our hearts by saving us from our sin by "circumcising us" himself. And again, I'm reminded that it's nothing anyone, including myself, can do to make me righteous! ONLY JESUS. And I'm so GRATEFUL I am baptized. It took me a long time to get baptized in my adult life as a new believer and I remember the conviction that turned to condemnation for not dying with Christ through baptism and now Satan does not that to hang over my head! And better yet I am empowered through baptism!!! God wins over Satan every time!!

I love the reminder of our salvation through Christ in vs. 13-15! It's so easy to forget, read over real quick and think that it depends on me. Even as I read God's Word, I'll actually think that my day depends on my ability to comprehend it instead of appreciating my salvation. THANK YOU JESUS! Thank you that my salvation is NOT dependent on my illiteracy! :)

It would be real easy to find hope in vs. 15 for the wrong reasons. [And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.] I could read this and think "HAHA (in an evil tone)! Take that!" But I would immediately exchanging the peace I have through Christ in my circumstance for hope in vengence. Living with that as my motive to put God first certainly would return void!

SHEW!!! I think I have a lot to chew on here and mostly walk away remembering to be GRATEFUL for my salvation and that to have true order in my life is to allow God and the fullness of the DIETY to reign in my heart.

Our little man!

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Today

Not yesterday, not tomorrow, just TODAY! Here are the things of conviction stirring in my heart:
overeating
laziness
over indulging in TRENT!
putting myself first
neglecting my health
voting

Our small group [Luke, Ashley, Nathan, Katie, Brett and myself] are reading Colossians so I'm going to read Col. 2 and see what the Word has for me today! It may relate to these matters and it may redirect my attention to another something...which would be great :).

Well immediately verses 1-4 speak of encouragement and wisdom through Christ (via Paul) both of which I'm lacking and both of which shine COMPLETE light on my convictions! To know the "full riches of COMPLETE understanding" is exactly what I desire to cut through this, for lack of better words, STUFF in my heart. It reminds me in verse four not to be deceived by "fine sounding arguments." When struggling with laziness and weight gain a quick fix seems so enticing. But this reminds me that COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING and the FULL RICHES would be negotiated by any quick fix that might sooth my aching, convicted, heart.

Really? Did the word "orderly" have to be used in vs. five?!! It's exactly what I'm not and exactly what I desire to be! Lord, help me be orderly so that others will be drawn to YOU in ME! And it's interesting that "orderly" and "firm in faith" are used in the same sentence. I believe there is a correlation between the two for sure. When I'm orderly I usually can stand more solid in my faith in Christ. When I'm unfocused and chaotic in my life, my relationship with God usually reflects this.

Vs. 6-7 really sum up where my heart needs to be.
"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."

I believe if I really concentrate on Christ, his GRACE, my salvation, and the goodness of God instead of my shortcomings...I will find peace in my heart in dealing with my convictions. I might even see God bring about change in my life instead of striving to reach that change on my own. The irony is that Brett and I discussed this exact point just recently and I see that God is helping me meditate on it some more! So that's what I'm going to do TODAY. Forget about yesterdays shortcomings, not dwell on tomorrows challenges or future shortcomings but live in Christ Jesus, rooted and BUILT UP (not torn down by condemnation) in HIM (not me), strengthened in faith as I have been taught (over and over and over again) and overflowing with thankfulness. PRAISE GOD!