i should have known that as soon as i attempt to realign my heart with God that satan would throw me a major curve ball. i responded in the most childish of ways and am so disappointed in myself and still angry about everything that happened. i'm sick of being stuck and i'm no longer feeling sorry for myself. i'm just going to remember this night, this feeling and know that God is bigger and he can heal my heart so that i never have to act that way again. i never want to throw a glass to make a point no matter what is being said or how i'm being attacked. i never want to disrespect God and myself by raising my voice and cursing. i don't want trent to grow up with an unhinged mother who loves the Lord, as long as it's easy. honestly, it's going to take the healing power of God to undo what's been done in my home and i pray that he will.
i remember being so excited about our fresh start, our new home, our new son and all the responsibilities that go along with it. it kills me to know that i'm already tainting it with my stuff, my baggage that i thought i left in morgantown. i thought i had gotten rid of those sinful desires but they are still here in my heart. i guess i have a lot of work to do and i was kidding myself if i thought the sins that i neglected to work on didn't move with me here to winchester.
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